Well crew, i'm really really excited!
This semester, I decided with Bridget Gonzalez and Marcus Strange to go on a sugar bet. We each had our own little personal punishment if we broke before the semester was through. It started on February 17th and has been going the entire semester. ok...so thats only like two months. dang, i thought it was longer. anyways, so bridget broke and had to wear the same pink outfit for two weeks. Marcus broke last week and ate a fried ice cream. We just finished waxing his legs tonight and bridget painted his toenails. i'm the only one who didn't break. and to tell you the truth, i've realy actually enjoyed not having sugar control my life. i feel empowered and I feel like I have control over what I eat, not the other way around. Even though I am free of my bargain, I'm still going to continue doing no sugar. I feel so much better about myself. And my mood is better because my bloood sugar isn't spiking all over the place. I'm really excited to not have sugar!! and I think (not officially weighed in yet) but I started and was around 283. I think I'm probably 265 now. I hope. I've been good at not eating sugar, now i just have to be better at the junk food. its not too bad, just here and there :) I'm just really proud of myself.
Erik is leaving tomorrow and I'm doing the best I can not to think about not having him here. He's my best friend and its going to be hard not to have him around all the time. But i'm really excited because my goal is *cough* to weigh 220 lbs by July 31st. thats 40 lbs. I don't know if i can do it or not. but I'm going to aim high and perhaps I'll lose some of that excess weight. I have may, june and most of july to do it. I have friends who have commited to help me go to the gym and work as hard as I can.
according to my calculations. my metabolism burns about 2500 calories sedentary. If i keep my diet at 1500 calories and burn about 1000 calories a day, thats 2000 calories per day I'll be burning. thats 2/3 of a pound. and if i do that for five days a week thats 10000 for the days I work out and 2000 calories on the weekends. thats 12000 calories which is about 4 lbs. now, and 13 weeks left, thats 52 lbs. I can hope can't i?
we'll see. only 13 weeks left till erik and I get married. I hope I'll be able to fulfill my dream of fitting in a size 16 wedding dress. *cross fingers*
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thoughts in an Enigma
Throughout my life I've struggled with my weight and ultimately my self esteem. I've decided to set up a blog to help me record my daily successes and downfalls...and perhaps put a little of my own real comments here and there.
Today it really hit me how much i've let myself go. I was at BodyAttack (which was really cool) but it was in the dance studio where the mirrors are. I usually forget how much bigger I am than other girls, but when I saw myself exercising in the mirrors I really knew I have to do something abou this.
I think if i write down all I eat and what I do and how I'm feeling it will help a lot, especially if I have a group of supporters who are reading this to make sure I'm on the weightloss strait and narrow lol
I have a few goals that I would love to achieve. First off, i'm starting off as a 5'10'' female with a large body frame and weighing in at a whopping 280lbs. Ultimately, I want to weigh in about 180. I haven't been this weight since elementary school....like 6th grade. I researched it and its a little more than the average 5'10'' girl(160), but I want to keep a little bit of my pudge for personality sake (and for Erik's comfort).
But I'm going to set some simple goals that I can achieve this summer. i would like to come back to schoool in the fall at 220. Thats 60 lbs in 6 months. so about 10 lbs a month=2.2 lbs a week. This is healthy i think....losing more would be absolutely fantabulous, but i'll go with what is healthy. after I lose that 60, it would only be a mere 40 more lbs till my ultimate goal weight.
What am I doing to achieve this?
well first off, I've sworn off all excess sugar because of a contest I'm in. (if I eat sugar first I have to bleach my hair and wear DUKE stuff for two weeks...ain't gonna happen) So i've been really good about NOT eating sugar. I'm going to start limiting my caloric intake to about 1200-1500 calories a day. I'm also really wanting to go to the gym 5x a week if i can. body attack counts as going to they gym...because it hurts. like ouch. whoa. yeah. so.....tunicate.
I remember when i lost some weight to go visit erik and his family. I got down to 255-60 and I looked really good. but i just keep looking at pictures of when I was 218 and wish i was there again...i'm kinda put out a little bit to tell you the truth. I'm very sad that I've slipped so far and that I dont feel pretty or sexy anymore.
this has really been killing my self esteem lately, because very little of my clothes fit and when they do they are tight and not comfortable. so i wear unflattering clothes that are comfortable and then i'm an embarrassment to myself. for example, i was in the SU with erik (he was playing games, i was doing homework) and his basketball buddies came in and were goofing around and i was embarrassed for erik because of how bad i look. He's not embarrassed at all and he's always supportive, i just feel really bad because I'm not who i could be. I feel like I honestly have a fat suit on because I feel like this really isn't a part of me like there is a smaller mariel who is underneath all this extra whale blubber :) I just don't know how to find her.
Today it really hit me how much i've let myself go. I was at BodyAttack (which was really cool) but it was in the dance studio where the mirrors are. I usually forget how much bigger I am than other girls, but when I saw myself exercising in the mirrors I really knew I have to do something abou this.
I think if i write down all I eat and what I do and how I'm feeling it will help a lot, especially if I have a group of supporters who are reading this to make sure I'm on the weightloss strait and narrow lol
I have a few goals that I would love to achieve. First off, i'm starting off as a 5'10'' female with a large body frame and weighing in at a whopping 280lbs. Ultimately, I want to weigh in about 180. I haven't been this weight since elementary school....like 6th grade. I researched it and its a little more than the average 5'10'' girl(160), but I want to keep a little bit of my pudge for personality sake (and for Erik's comfort).
But I'm going to set some simple goals that I can achieve this summer. i would like to come back to schoool in the fall at 220. Thats 60 lbs in 6 months. so about 10 lbs a month=2.2 lbs a week. This is healthy i think....losing more would be absolutely fantabulous, but i'll go with what is healthy. after I lose that 60, it would only be a mere 40 more lbs till my ultimate goal weight.
What am I doing to achieve this?
well first off, I've sworn off all excess sugar because of a contest I'm in. (if I eat sugar first I have to bleach my hair and wear DUKE stuff for two weeks...ain't gonna happen) So i've been really good about NOT eating sugar. I'm going to start limiting my caloric intake to about 1200-1500 calories a day. I'm also really wanting to go to the gym 5x a week if i can. body attack counts as going to they gym...because it hurts. like ouch. whoa. yeah. so.....tunicate.
I remember when i lost some weight to go visit erik and his family. I got down to 255-60 and I looked really good. but i just keep looking at pictures of when I was 218 and wish i was there again...i'm kinda put out a little bit to tell you the truth. I'm very sad that I've slipped so far and that I dont feel pretty or sexy anymore.
this has really been killing my self esteem lately, because very little of my clothes fit and when they do they are tight and not comfortable. so i wear unflattering clothes that are comfortable and then i'm an embarrassment to myself. for example, i was in the SU with erik (he was playing games, i was doing homework) and his basketball buddies came in and were goofing around and i was embarrassed for erik because of how bad i look. He's not embarrassed at all and he's always supportive, i just feel really bad because I'm not who i could be. I feel like I honestly have a fat suit on because I feel like this really isn't a part of me like there is a smaller mariel who is underneath all this extra whale blubber :) I just don't know how to find her.
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